Hi, my au pair is starting to get on my nerves a little bit.  I have just found out that she didn't come from Japan on an au-pair visa, but on a working holiday visa.  She lead me to believe that she applied for the au-pair visa scheme. 
I went away for the weekend and she said she was having a friend round for tea on the friday night.  I had no problem with this.  Turns out, she had a few round and I only found out because someone rang my mum for my address.  I questioned my aupair about this on my return and explained that I am glad she is making friends and I have no problem with people coming round, but don't mislead me into thinking its only 1 person when it isn't.  It is her home, but my house and I want to know who and how many people are in it when i'm not there - is this an unreasonable request??
She has just text me to say she is going to visit a friend with my daughter after school.  i asked who was the friend, where does she live and how are they getting there.  Its like pulling teeth.  She doesn't want to tell me anything.  She plays things very close to her chest.  She is 28 so isn't a silly youngster but her secrecy and reluctance to tell me what is going on in my own home is really starting to wind me up.
Also, and I know I am going on a bit - she told me my daughter needs to learn she can't have everything she wants.  I am well aware that my daughter who is 5, is spoilt (only grandchild, and single parent syndrome) but she is not a spoilt nasty brat, she is just lavished with love, affection, attention and goodies.  Is it her place to tell me this as if she is the mother??  If I speak to her about anything, she gets a bit of an attitude and bangs about in the kitchen etc.
She is not particularly a cuddly, i love children girl, even though she doesn't mistreat my daughter, I am presuming its a cultural issue, but if she continues to act like my house is hers and that she can tell me how the land lyes I will go mad!!!!  Am I just over reacting???

As a former au pair host family, I think this site is a great idea. One our greatest frustrations was the fact that our agency -- Au Pair Care -- made no real effort to connect host families with one another.
Both our first two au pair experiences went sour, and, after a year of trying out the au pair route, we have just recently given up on au pairs -- at least for the time being. Luckily, we have found a wonderful live-out nanny (who also speaks German to our two little girls!).
We could have really benefitted from some advice and tips from experienced host families, especially between au pair No. 1 and No. 2.
In any case, I have published our rather long story -- along with some advice -- to an individual web page.
While we had some incredibly bad luck, we are not against hosting au pairs. But now that we have had some experience hosting au pairs, we do believe that a realist approach to finding, interviewing, and hosting au pairs is crucial.
We hope that others might benefit from reading our story -- and from this web site!
Sincerely,
Chris & Chris, Denver, Colorado
 
 
 

Finally, a place where parents can share information and experiences.  I look forward to communicating with other host parents online via hostfamilyhandbook.com!