Advice....
November 15, 2009 - 08:48 — jacquisr
Our au pair has been with us for 6 weeks and I am finding it a real struggle to have someone around and in my house. She sits in the lounge with us every night, even whilst using and talking on her laptop. She watches me constantly when I am doing things and seems to get annoyed when I am reading and not talking to her. I leave notes which she ignores etc etc - I wish I hadnt gone down this route, does it get better?????
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It will get better!
Hi jacquisr.
Thanks for reaching out. The quick answer is that YES-- things will get better. But, it will only get better if you nip the problem in the bud.
I would give you a few pieces of advice.
1. Honesty. Schedule some time to sit down with your au pair and be honest with her about "space". Tell her that you really like having her in your family and that she is welcome to be with the family most of the time, but to remain sane, you would appreciate after Xpm, to all have your own space. While it may hurt momentarily (for both of you!), this will help create some boundaries.
2. Connections. Au pairs are typically only as happy as their social life. I VERY MUCH encourage you to get a list of au pairs in your local area and either (a) host an event or (b) ask your counselor or LCC to help introduce your au pair to some friends. The more you faciliate connections with other people, the less burden there will be on you.
By following these two easy steps, you will be well on your way to sanity. :) Good luck. And, keep us posted.
Some au pairs are more
Some au pairs are more outgoing than others. I am both a host mom and coordinator with Cultural Care Au Pair. Most of my au pairs have enjoyed the quiet time at the end of the day. They may eat dinner with us, and then retreat to their room to get on the computer, watch TV, or do whatever they want. Has your au pair made any friends yet? Perhaps that is why she is hanging around so much. If she hasn't made any friends, I would contact your local coordinator and find out how to help facilitate doing this. We had a few of the au pairs who lived nearby over for pizza early in our au pair's stay with us. It helped her make friends, and build an after-work social life. As for all the computer use while you are around, she may enjoy your company, but if it bothers you this much, it's going to be important for you to find a way to talk to her delicately. It does get better. We have had great experiences with our au pairs, but you need to set boundaries and expectations so that you understand each others needs over the course of the next year together. Good luck!