Middle Class Host Family
Hi...
We are a first time host family ...had a 5 week experience with a young lady who decided it wasnt what she expected and went home..so..after rematching we now have a lovely girl from Columbia.
My question is this...it seems that MOST, if not ALL of the other host families in my area are very wealthy...offering SUV's to their aupairs... I Phones, vacations to the Caribbean..etc....EXCEPT for us...we are a middle class family who shares the minivan with the aupair...bought her a Tracfone and dont think we will be hitting the Virgin Islands this year...
Please tell me there are other middle class families who are hosting aupairs...I almost feel bad for my aupair when she visits the others in their big beautiful mansions!
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Middle Class Families
I was reading about other family issues with Au Pairs and I found this discussion.
Let me give you a little background about myself. My wife and I got married and have two children. We both worked and were looking into childcare solutions. After paying for all the childcare expenses for one we were dreading the addtional childcare expenses that an infant was gong to cost us. We are a middle class family that both worked for the local government. Heck, we couldn't afford to live in the town that we work for.
So after comparing the cost between Childcare and the Au Pair program, we choose an Au Pair program. We weren't really good researching the various agencies we just picked the one that a friend had been using. Luckly for us it has worked out well for us. We have had 5 Au Pairs and we were successful with 4 of them. One just wasn't ready for really working and not living comfy lifestyle. We choose to re-match with a new Au Pair from out of the Country.
It has been a challenge for us carpooling to work, juggling schedules for Au Pair to have a car for her activites and the family having a car for our needs.
After a while we actully were recruited by the our Agency to become Local Child Care coordinators. Now we oversee about 23 Au Pair and families and most of them are middle class. Some Au Pairs have some good amendaties, but others have great host familes and don't care about the extra things.
I guess I just wanted to say that you are not the only "Middle Class" family that has an Au Pair. There are lots out there and the Au Pairs and family are having great a great year.
The keys that I recommend to having a good year are do a through interview before picking an Au Pair, ie don't give them "Yes, or No" questions. Set the House Rules before they get there and be tough at first (it's a lot easier to give than to take away). Finally make sure that you have opened a good two way communication between the host family and the Au Pair once they arrive!
Good luck!!!!!
EJ
MIDDLE CLASS FAMILY
I don't think that the majority of Au Pairs care about the size of your home or how much money you make. They worry about having a good year (or 2) with a family who cares about them and welcomes them into their family as a member, not a guest or employee.
Hi. Sounds like the au pairs
Hi. Sounds like the au pairs in your area have a really good time. I am one of those families that can't afford to provide that kind of lifestyle for my au pair either. I am a single parent. I have bought my au pair a phone - which she still hasn't said thank you for! I don't let her use the car as I use it for work so she buses everywhere during the day. Schools are within walking distance (end of the road) so she doesn't need it for this anyway.
I don't live in huge house either. I have a modest 3bed semi. My au pair doesn't even have a tv etc in her room. I did offer but she says she isn't bothered.
She does however, eat all the biscuits (not even leaving a few for my daughter), doesn't say thank you for the phone I bought her. I had to write down the exact hours and what was expected to be done during those hours cos she just did what she wanted for the first 2 wks.
I was away this week end and she didn't want to come. She said she was having a friend over on the friday night - turned out to be a full blown gathering. For an au pair of 28yrs I would have expected better and I told her so in no uncertain terms when I got home yesterday.
All that said, she's only been here a month and I suppose you could call all the above 'settling in'. I think things should work out in the long term.
You aren't alone!
You are not alone.
My au pair once said to me--"why do we only have 2 cars? All of my friends families have 4+ cars." Did I mention that her best friend drove her family's Range Rover?!
We had a frank and honest discussion about American life and how we live more like "normal Americans". I also took her into lots of different neighborhoods so that she would appreciate how lots of different kinds of people live.
Don't feel badly for a second. What matters is your au pairs relationship with your family and her feeling like she has a family in the States that she can really count on! If what matters to her is the kind of car she drives, then she isnt here for the right reasons anyway!
Another Middle American Host Mom Chiming In
We have struggled with the feeling that we too are not offering a the lifestyle that others might be offering their au pairs. We have 3 kids, a big mortgage, and additional expenses that affect our ability to provide extras - maybe because we are so risk averse: significant life insurance policy payments, a high level of home insurance, a policy to cover us if my husband is disabled, we save for college, we have an old house that requires lots of repairs, etc. We also have had just one car (a small one), so have shared it for getting our 4 year old back and forth to and from preschool, grocery trips, and occasional work needs. We rent an iGo car if we need additional car, which is more economical than buying a new one and paying all the upkeep and insurance on that.
I encourage our au pair to do things which don't break the bank - street parking and a trip to the free nature conservatory versus expensive city garage parking and a pay-to-go museum. At the end of the day, I think the au pair will have a much better understanding that you need to budget your expenses just like they do, and that it's not all about money. Making sure that your family and she have a rich life in terms of what you do, not what you spend, will make it a great year for everyone. That's part of the experience - learning that there are different types of families here, just like back home.
For what it's worth, the super rich families are probably not getting inexpensive au pairs - they are getting nannies and home managers from expensive nanny agencies - so I think that there might be more "middle class" families employing au pairs anyway.
Mom of 3 Boys
Chicago, IL
It depends....
Hi - it really does depend on where you live. Each town has its own flavor and status and if your au pair comes into that town, and has "less" than the other au pairs, well, there could be trouble. She starts to compare and contrast what the "other" au pairs have and what she doesn't. It can be tricky. I suggest that before you hire an au pair, tell her as much as you can about your home, your expectations and what she can expect when she arrives at your doorstep. Will she has her own bathroom? Will she have her own car? What are the rules for a cell phone? It is easy to add another cell to the family plan, but you would be surprised at how many families will not do this just to save a little money - and the au pair feels it emotionally, and translates it into "they don't care" enough, because the other au pairs all have cell phones! Full disclosure is the key for a great year with your au pair and sharing your family's schedule and pictures of the children and your home goes a long way to showing your au pair what she should expect. Edina Stone, Founder & CEO, www.aupairclearinghouse.com - the nation's first consumer website on the au pair industry.