Three's A Crowd
"Can you move over, please?" my au pair asked, as she squeezed onto the couch.
It was Valentine's Day and she wanted to watch a movie with my husband and I.
We sat there and played along... letting our au pair enjoy the Hallmark Holiday with us. We all ate from the popcorn bowl and sipped our drinks.
It was Valentines' Day bliss until about.....................midnight. As my husband and I headed to bed, he said "we need to talk...this has to end."
The reality was we both LOVED our au pair. Our au pair was great with our kids, an awesome cook, a total neat freak, an amazing driver and fun!!! I personally loved to hang out with her, listen to her stories, help her pick out clothes, etc..... But, our friendhip was taking a toll on my marriage.
My husband and I needed our own time. We needed to sit on the couch on Valentine's Day and not have anybody else there. As much as we loved our au pair, it just wasn't right. We needed some "us" time, some "alone" time. And, boy was that conversation hard to have. Our au pair cried and we felt terrible. But, it was the right thing to do for all of us!
The morale of the story-- set some rules around personal time. Have your friendship with your au pair, but remember, boundaries are important. Since this incident, my husband and I have a new au pair rule in our house: After 9pm, it is "our time"....
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Member of the Family?
We have the opposite problem - I thought when we signed up that there would be someone around to chat and hang around wtih a bit in the evenings, but our au pair disappears into her room to watch TV soaps in her native language.
We put a TV in her room for the very reason that we wanted her to have a place to retreat so that we were not always together fighting over the TV in our family room, but I have found myself wondering how she'll have a genuine American family experience if all she does is disappear except when working. She does get out on the evenings, but she does not really hang out to chat very much.
I don't think it is that she does not like us - but she has said that she is very tired at the end of a long day watching our kids. Of course when she told me this, I could completely understand. But I guess I expected that she'd want to immerse herself more in family life than she has. She's a little shy, too, which makes it a little tricky.
I guess I should not complain, because it could be worse! My husband and I definitely have our own privacy, and we like our au pair, and she likes us. It's just that I have personally traveled the world a bit, and on those travels I really tried to interact with adults more often, to soak up my experience and learn the language and customs better. So I guess I am projecting what I would have done if I were her....
Mom of 3 Boys
Chicago, IL
Need advice about au pair car usage
Our au pair has been with us for a little over 7 weeks now and I need some advice about car usage.
Part of her duties is to drop-off/pick-up the children from preschool 3 days a week and take them to a set weekly playdate. She is doing really great, has blended well with our family and is a good driver.
Our dilemma is she wants to use the car just about every free moment she has. We have been really flexible, but I feel like we need to set some "boundaries". We are a 2 car family, but my husband is out of town often for work (which leaves just one car at home) and when she has it, I am homebound with 4 small children.
She is currently taking a class (for her education requirement) every Saturday, which is 112 miles round trip, so she is gone all day. She is also taking advantage of the free local ESOL classes offered at various churches in our town 4 nights a week (ranging from 10 miles roundtrip to 25 miles roundtrip), goes to the gym at least 5 days a week during her break (6 miles roundtrip), and is constantly asking to use a car for social/personal use on her days off.
My dilemma is, she doesn't ever offer to put gas in the car, run it through a car wash, etc. and sometimes pouts when I tell her she can't use the car (if we just have one car here) because I have things going on with the children, or basically don't want to be "carless" if I have an emergency with the children when my husband is hundreds of miles away on business.
Any advice on helping me set some usage rules? Thank you so much!!!