A recent visitor, Momof4, is looking for help with her au pair and house rules/car rules. She writes....

“Our au pair has been with us for a little over 7 weeks now and I need some advice about car usage.

Part of her duties is to drop-off/pick-up the children from preschool 3 days a week and take them to a set weekly playdate.  She is doing really great, has blended well with our family and is a good driver.

Our dilemma is she wants to use the car just about every free moment she has. 

We have been really flexible, but I feel like we need to set some "boundaries".  We are a 2 car family, but my husband is out of town often for work (which leaves just one car at home) and when she has it, I am homebound with 4 small children.

She is currently taking a class (for her education requirement) every Saturday, which is 112 miles round trip, so she is gone all day.  She is also taking advantage of the free local ESOL classes offered at various churches in our town 4 nights a week (ranging from 10 miles roundtrip to 25 miles roundtrip), goes to the gym at least 5 days a week during her break (6 miles roundtrip), and is constantly asking to use a car for social/personal use on her days off.

My dilemma is, she doesn't ever offer to put gas in the car, run it through a car wash, etc. and sometimes pouts when I tell her she can't use the car (if we just have one car here) because I have things going on with the children, or basically don't want to be "carless" if I have an emergency with the children when my husband is hundreds of miles away on business.

Any advice on helping me set some usage rules?  Thank you so much!!!”

Momof4, we are here to help!
Sounds like you definitely need to have an open and honest talk with your au pair about car usage and set some car rules. I suggest you talk with her sooner rather than later. It's only been 7 weeks so you can change your au pairs expectations quickly. Also, if she is a great au pair,and your only problem is with personal car usage, then nip the problem in the bud before your anger festers and it impacts your overall working relationship.

Here are a few things I would consider:

1. Tell your au pair she is really sharing one car with you. While you have 2 cars, one is for your husband. Because you guys are sharing, you need to figure out a schedule that works for both of you. Right now, she is using the car so much that there is little to no time for you to use the car and you feel trapped.
2. Write down some car rules and give your au pair a copy.  Address such issues as what you will pay for, how many days a week she can have the car, cleanliness, mileage, car washes, car accident liability, etc. It is VERY COMMON for families to pay for gas only related to school! But, please write down the rules and stick to them.
3. I would then help your  au pair brainstorm other ways to get around town. (show sympathy and offer up some resolutions!)

• Does your au pair have a friend she can carpool with to school-- especially on Saturdays? (why does she need to travel so far?) If not, consider asking the local counselor or community leader for names.
• Can she carpool to the gym with a friend? Or,  can she go to the gym while the kids are asleep and you dont need the car?
• Can she take public transport to school or to the gym?
• Does your au pair really need to take the class 60 miles away? Can you help her source classes that are closer to your home?
• On the weekend or evening nights can she alternate driving with friends? She shouldnt always be the designated driver.

A few tips for a successful "au pair rules" meeting:

PREPARE before you meet with her. Think through your expectations, document your expectations, be sympathetic and offer alternatives. Work together to come up with a compromise that works for each of you and discuss a time you will check in to see how things are going.