Our au pair recently left after 18 months and my daughter, 3.5, was very torn up about the transition. She resisted my new au pair and would shout out each morning "I dont want to stay with you. I want my old au pair!"

It was a horrible situation and I felt terrible. But, my new au pair was wonderful about understanding.  She just kept calm, and kept trying each morning to win my daughter over. I saw that despite my au pairs best efforts, my daughter wasn't budging! She was being so stubborn!

I didnt want my au pair to get discouraged or feel badly about the situation, so we scheduled a time to brainstorm ways that she could better connect with my daughter.

Here's what we did to foster a better connection between my daughter and my au pair:

1. We discussed the things that my daughter loves- jewelry, babies, looking "fancy", etc.

2. Then, we talked about how my au pair could do things with my daughter that play to her likes. For example, could they paint their nails together, play dress up, do her hair, ride bikes, etc.

3. We also talked about setting up some one-on-one time with each other just for bonding. For example, could they go to museum while my son was in school so that she feels like she is getting some special time?

After only 1.5 weeks of trying out some of our approaches, we have seen amazing results. My daughter is huggy with my au pair, asking about her and interested in seeing her first thing in the morning! 

There are a few basic lessions in this story:

1. Don't ignore your kids signs. If you see there isn't a connection with your au pair, work to address it.

2. Team together with your au pair. Dont just give your au pair the answers on how to resolve the situation. Let her be part of the solution.

3. Small gestures can go a really long way!

Here are a few tactical things that worked for us! If you find yourself in this situation, we hope these work for you too!

My au pair invited my daughter up to her room to watch Little Mermaid, since that is her favorite movie. She had popcorn there and my daughter thought it was sooooo cool!

I gave my au pair a $20 slush fund to use during the week to take my daughter places. They can go to the mall for storytime and get a cookie, stop in the dollar store, go to a movie, etc.

Best of luck making connections!